Feeling Frustrated With Your Boys And Down On Your Parenting, But Don’t Know What Else To Try?
I know raising boys can be frustrating. (If you’ve read my personal blog or my HuffPost Parents pieces, you know I know!)
If you’re anything like the parents I meet, you’re exhausted, frustrated, self-critical, and thinking you’re alone. Not to burst your bubble or anything… You ARE unique. But you’re in good company with your parenting struggles!
You’re working hard to raise good boys, pay the bills, keep the household running, maintain your own identity, and the juggling act has worn you out. It feels like everything and everyone is getting short changed, and you feel like no one is seeing your best self.
You’re overwhelmed, impatient, worried your boys are going to grow up to be ungrateful, disrespectful people and it’s all going to be your fault. But there’s lots you can do to stack the deck in their – and your – favor!
I know it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard, but the reality is that having kids changed your life in ways you couldn’t possibly have imagined, and there are very few societies that support parents well. Know of any?
Perhaps you’re struggling with:
• a son who is aggressive, fearful, or who has lots of big, loud feelings
• a son who doesn’t take direction well
• a son who takes up all the air time in the family (at the expense of his siblings)
• a son who’s struggling in the classroom
• bedtime and sleep issues (and, therefore, your own sleep deprivation)
• kids who “don’t like each other” or aren’t getting along
• a son who is shy or has lots of fears
Or maybe your challenges are:
• an identity crisis (Do you even remember who you were before kids?)
• your partner not being on the same parenting page (Honestly, that’s the truth for most of us.)
• not knowing when to set limits or how
• yelling (You’re doing way too much of it, and embarrassed by what the neighbors must think.)
• time-outs, star charts, and consequences (They’re not working and you hate giving them anyway, but you’re at wits end and just don’t know what else to do!)
And from time to time – or perhaps daily – you contemplate how you went from an engaged and engaging independent person to family CEO at a salary of $0, or a 60-hour-a-week groundhog, or a part-time business person/full-time parent.
You’re smart. You’re a hard worker. Where did things go wrong? How does everyone else keep it all together? (You know deep down they don’t, but that feeling can kill you, can’t it!)
What if you woke up 6 weeks from now feeling confident and proud of your parenting?
What if others marveled at how relaxed and happy you are with your boys?
What if for each parenting challenge you faced, you had several solutions pop into your head, and you actually had the where with all to implement them?
What if you knew what to do when your child insisted on a 25th bedtime story, demanded to eat only off the blue plate, hit his brother or sister, called you a butt head (keeping in Rated G here), or refused to go into his music class?
What if when you were feeling depleted, you knew how to feed your soul?
What if you had an ally (that’s me!) who would meet you right where you’re struggling, withhold all judgment, and work with you to create your own personal roadmap to get your family from where you are to where you want to be?
These things are true for me, and I have created my coaching program so that all these things will be true for you too!
Hi, I’m Tosha, a parent educator, and consultant.
I want parents of boys to feel hopeful about their sons’ ability to make good choices, solve conflicts peacefully, conquer their fears, and reach their full potential.
I have lived in that place of worry and fear for my sons’ future, and it sucked! I made it my business to learn all I could about parenting, interpersonal neurobiology, play, boys in school, boys in society, self-compassion and happiness. I invested endless hours in building relationships with other parents who are now my support network in my parenting journey.
I now know that my boys are just fine, and if I can spread the message that boys are okay, and that it is our responsibility to learn how to support them well, life for boys will be sooo much better, and our world will be a more peaceful place! This knowledge has empowered me to teach parents and educators what’s really going on with our boys, and how to meet them where they are, hold high standards for them, and keep moving towards them as they make their way through their struggles.
I look around me at the men I meet and I don’t see a lot of joy. Many seem to have fallen into jobs/careers/roles that others expected of them- either their families or cultures. Most do not make spending time with their families a priority – either because they’re carrying huge financial burdens, or they don’t know how to play, be still, be close, relax. Many are without networks of close friends, are lonely and unhappy, and use alcohol, drugs or porn to numb the pain, rather than express their feelings fully. I don’t want this future for my boys or yours.
I read the newspaper and it’s full of men perpetuating all sorts of violence. I believe we can do better for our boys. That does not have to be their future.
Knowledge is really power, and together we can harness that power and make real change in the lives of our boys, our families, and our world!
The future holds much beauty and goodness. I hope you’ll join me on this journey to more joy, play, laughter and ease in your family and more peace in the world.
Let me hold your hand for 6 weeks, and I’ll teach you how to handle those rip-out-your-hair parenting moments successfully and with ease, better than any system of punishment and rewards ever will. And I’ll get you back into good parenting shape too!Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!
In order to build and maintain strong positive relationships with your boys, you need to be caring well for yourself, connecting positively with your boys on a regular basis, and you need strategies and tools to implement when those challenging parenting moments arise. I’ll cover it all!
This coaching program is for you if you:
• Want your boys to thrive.
• Believe that change is possible, even though it doesn’t feel that way.
• Are committed to working hard to get the results you want.
• Are willing to experiment with new strategies, even though some may be outside your comfort zone.
• Are brave, forward thinking, and ready to smile and laugh again!
I will support you so that you can change your behaviors. And I will help you see your son’s core goodness, so that you can help him stop his unworkable behaviors.Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!
During our 6 weeks together, I will:
• Listen to your unique challenges with parenting your boys.
• Help you identify your over-arching struggles.
• Teach you very specific tools to use in your everyday parenting.
• Support you to make measurable change in one specific area of struggle (aggression, sleep, separation, sharing, etc.).
• Mentor you, and hold your hand as you transform your family, and experience less struggle, and more joy, play, laughter and ease in your daily life.
Forward movement and creating change in your family requires a delicate balance of acknowledging and sharing your own life story, and taking real life-changing steps forward. I will help you find that perfect balance so that you reach your parenting goals, and you and your family will thrive!
During our 6 weeks together you will receive:
• 6 hours of my undivided attention and laser-sharp guidance by phone or Skype. (Our first meeting will be a full hour. Depending on your individual situation, the remaining sessions will be either one-hour weekly sessions, or half-hour bi-weekly sessions.)
• A set of booklets describing the Parenting by Connection tools.
• Tested (not in theory, but in the homes of lots and lots of parents) strategies for building and maintaining close, loving relationships with your kids – even the ones you feel ready to pass off to your distant cousin because you just can’t stand it anymore!
• Practical how-to for handling those rip-out-your-hair moments. We’re in the trenches here. This is real life parenting. Let’s not pretend otherwise!
• A loving shoulder to cry on, or complain or brag to.
• Specific strategies for using play strategically to dissipate stress and get the whole family laughing.
• The 1-2-3 on how to set limits effectively, and when you might do better to let things slide.
• A written summary of each call with your personalized, weekly (or bi-weekly) homework. (Don’t worry! I’ll give you bite-sized, completely doable assignments.)
• Recordings of our calls for your future reference.
• A suggested plan of action to help your reach your long-term parenting goals.
By the end of our 6 weeks together you will:
• Throw out punishments and rewards and get the results you want by connecting.
• Stop yelling (most of the time:).
• Feel close to your son.
• Know what to do when your son has a tantrum, won’t listen to you, hits his brother, won’t eat his dinner, cries big tears when you leave…
• Hold your head high, and know you’re a great parent! (Don’t worry. We’ll get you there!)
• Realize you’re not alone in your struggles – even those ugly embarrassing ones.
• Know how to laugh and play and love your boys (and girls) fully!
• Know how to connect deeply with your kids when you are together, and enjoy your time apart.
• Understand what goes on in your kid’s brain when he’s losing it, and learn to be more patient with him and to move towards him when he needs you most.
• Experience more good times and fewer struggles in your parenting.
• Feel seen and heard.
• Sleep more and lose it less.
• Make leaps and bounds of progress towards your parenting goals.
• Know how to advocate for your boy (even if he’s showing ugly behaviors).
• Understand what it means to really respect your son and have his back.
• Feel hopeful and energized.
• Feel confident in your ability to lead your family.
My 6-week coaching program costs $1200, and I’m happy to accept 2 easy, automatic Paypal payments of $600 per month.
This investment in yourself, your boy, and your family will come back to you in smiles, laughter, sleep, joy, cooperation and peace.Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!
My coaching clients feel like they’ve finally found the “How” of parenting!
Working with Tosha has been nothing short of life altering. Sounds crazy, I know. But when your two little boys drive you absolutely mad and you have no idea what is wrong with them (or with you), life can be tough. I used to think “what on earth do I do now??” These boys are too busy, too intense, too violent, way too emotional. They are just too much. And now I know. Honestly, truly know that my boys are good. I am good. I know why they do what they do, and what they need when they do it.
Tosha can hold space for you like no one I’ve ever met can do. There is so much love and compassion and support from her, that it’s hard to put into words. I don’t know how she does that over the phone. But she does. And that whole life altering thing? It’s just like magic. You get off the phone and go back home – and everything shifts. A hard moment comes up – and you think – “I got this” – I know exactly what to do. You’ve been filled up somehow, and you can respond in a way that feels good to everyone. And then life is better. For you, for your kids. And there are more smiles, and more play and more of everyone feeling good. All from some phone calls with Tosha. – Jalayne, U.S.A.
I am so happy to report such positive changes in our family!… I feel like I am enjoying my boys like I always wanted to…Now I feel aware of what works and it helps me stay calm. I feel calmer and my kids are calmer! I also wanted to thank you for listening to me as I realized that saying yes to myself is something I need to work on. I feel really good about standing up for myself and letting go of things. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your listening and kind words. I appreciate it so much! – Carolyn, Walnut Creek, CA, USA
By taking her classes (one by phone and one in person), I noticed a change for the better in my connections with my sons, and it is SO great to know that if we go through a rough time, I can go to Tosha and expect improvement in our lives! – J.H.
Ready to start? This is really where the change begins. It is the time for me to familiarize myself with your family situation and hear you goals for the program, as well as an opportunity for you to ask any questions you might have of me.
Once we decide to work together we will choose a weekly consultation day and time. I make both day and evening slots available for your convenience.
So let’s recap. When you register for my coaching programs you get:
• Weekly consultations with yours truly! Here you will laugh, cry, blame, rage, mourn, share, brag, gloat, and ask any parenting questions you’d like. It’s your time. You get to use it for whatever you’d like. It’s like a cozy escape from your responsibilities. A place to refuel. No judgement. I’m all ears!
• Parenting by Connection booklets
• Guidance on connection, self-care, listening, play and limit setting.
• A written summary of each call with your personalized homework.
• Recordings of our calls for your future reference.
• A suggested plan of action to help your reach your long-term parenting goals.
Treat yourself, treat your family!Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!
I’m already overwhelmed with parenting and life. Won’t this just add another thing to my todo list? As the mom of three boys, a wife, a daughter, and a business owner, I can relate! What I’ve found is that it’s really about prioritizing. This program will require 2-4 hours a week of engagement on your part, but the investment now will pay off in dividends, leading you to a place of more calm, patience, and confidence with your kids. Can you give up your favorite TV show or your internet rabbit holes for 6 weeks? I promise it will be worth your while!
Can you really fix my parenting struggles in 6 weeks? I am 100% committed to working closely with you to reach your parenting goals. I will teach you specific parenting strategies, and Listen to you through your struggles and self doubt. But change only really happens if you do your part. I will guide you and support you, but I cannot do your work for you. If you’re looking for a magic pill or a quick fix, this program is not for you. You’ll need to look at the pretty and the ugly in yourself and in your boys. We’ll drudge through the yucky feelings right on through to the yummy ones that remind us that the world is a good place, and the situation for our boys is hopeful. But you have to be willing to trust me and take some small steps that might feel uncomfortable. I’m here for you, and confident that you can have more joy, play, laughter and ease in your parenting!
$1200 feels like a lot! Look. $1200 is a lot! Believe me. I know. But I also know that the places in my life where I have invested (both money and time) have brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined. We always have the choice to either maintain the status quo or plow forward towards meaningful change. To make it easier, you may take advantage of my “three simple payments” plan.
What if I have a girl too? Fabulous! We love girls! I used to be one 😉
What ages is this program appropriate for? 2ish to 10ish. We parents always need support, and the earlier you start using these strategies in your family, the smoother the sailing will be as your children grow.
What if I can’t make a session? You’ve got 6 hours of my full attention but 8 weeks to use your time. This leaves 2 weeks of flexibility for rescheduling. 24-hour cancellation notice required. All sessions must be completed within 8 weeks.
My partner parents differently than I do! That’s okay. So does mine! Changing your own behaviors is enough to help things go much better for your kids. When your partner sees the connection between you and you kids grow stronger, s/he will start asking questions – or at least take note. I’ve seen even the most skeptical come around. But you need not wait!
What if I’m embarrassed about how I’ve parented in the past? Read my blog entries on my website or on HuffPost Parents. You are not alone. We’ve all done crazy shit! Myself included. We’ll work on being more compassionate with ourselves as we learn new patterns of behavior that will make those regressions much more infrequent.
What if I want a refund? You have 48 hours after submitting your first payment to email me at email@example.com and request a refund. I will refund your money through Paypal within 48 hours. No refunds will be made after the first coaching session has begun.
Can my partner and I work with you together? Absolutely! I love having couples in my programs. So much so that I will add an additional hour-long session in for free. I work with couples separately, so we begin with individual 1-hour sessions, and then each of you receive a ½-hour session once a week for 5 weeks.
What if I have questions between our meetings? No worries. I’ve got you covered! I check my email daily during the week, and will respond to your quick questions within 36 hours. For more in-depth inquiries, I ask that you write them down and bring them to your next coaching session.
My child has special needs. Will this program work for me? Yes and no. I am not a therapist or a medical practitioner of any type and do not treat SPD, ADD, ADHD, autism or any other diagnosable syndromes. I encourage parents who are concerned about their child’s health and development to seek appropriate medical care. That said, this program can absolutely benefit parents in all types of families with all types of kids, and can work beautifully in tandem with other types of support, particularly if neither you nor your child take medication. If you have questions, please ask me.
I don’t have a place to put my kids while I work with you. What should I do? I want to set you up for success! In order for you to really be able to absorb the information I’m going to give you, and to really look inward freely at the places you struggle, I’m going to need your undivided attention for the 1 hour a week that I have you on the phone. I’ve seen parents get super creative here. Ask family and friends for help. Do an exchange with another family. Offer a resource that you have in exchange for childcare help. Do not sit your 3 year old in front of the TV and lock yourself in another room for an hour. Trust me here. It won’t work.Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!
More Happy Parent Praise
Tosha Schore provides an invaluable resource for parents. She listens very well. She calls upon her deep understanding of the principles and practice of Parenting by Connection, and marries it with plentiful experience in education, to help parents develop new ways to strengthen their connection with and enjoyment of their children. She’s a mom of three, so understands that no parent has unlimited resource. She’s a mother of boys, so is well-versed in building connection with rambunctious, adventurous young people with tender hearts and oodles of energy. She knows how to stick with parents in trying situations, and how to help parents–both mothers and fathers–release the stress that has built up over time because of special challenges in their family.
And perhaps best of all, Tosha is honest. She delivers her assistance with a powerful combination of humor and caring that amounts to highly useful guidance.
You won’t find a smarter, more energetic parenting coach than Tosha Schore. And the skills she will teach you will stick with you throughout your parenting career. – Patty Wipfler, Founder and Program Director, Hand In hand Parenting
I came to work with you after being a student instructor at Hand in Hand Parenting. I liked the direct and effective way you worked with people during support calls, and saw how you did your own work very deeply during classes as well. These helped me to begin to trust you, and trust that you could give me the kind of support I needed. This has proven to be true. I’ve done some deep emotional work with you during our consultations, and I’ve seen the benefits in myself and with my children. Sometimes it’s as immediate as being able to take on a challenge the day after I’ve cried hard about how hard it is to do, such as when I was nervous about a school social function at my daughter’s school. Other times, it shows in more gradual changes, such as growing closeness with my son after I’ve been able to talk, cry, and rage about all the reasons it’s hard to be close to him. One thing that has surprised me is how effective the work can be over the phone. I didn’t know that, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Living as I do on the east coast, and in Canada, and you on the west coast in the U.S., it’s the only way we could speak regularly, and I’m glad it’s working! I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. – Sandra Flear, Independent Mental Health Professional, Canada
I contacted Tosha when my toddler began experiencing sleeping challenges. Tosha asked me a couple of questions and then immediately was able to give me simple tips that I could employ the next night, explained the big ideas behind these actions, comforted me and validated my feelings and experiences in this challenging situation and also suggested some longer term supports for my daughter, my partner and me, all in a 30 minute call. Within about three days we were back on track. A year later the longer term approach and techniques still ring true and I understand and can support my daughter so much better. I also appreciated learning from her that our family’s experience is normal and can be addressed. Tosha’s support and reassurance, combined with her thoughtful, proven methodologies got my family back to sleep and improved our interactions overall. – Robin Mencher, Berkeley, CA, USA
I highly recommend working with Tosha and the Hand in Hand parenting tools. Not only can this radically help your child’s day to day behavior, but the confidence these tools offer you as a parent are priceless. It is invaluable to know, when you are in the trenches with your children, that not only do you have tools to turn to, but that these tools are ultimately the best thing you can offer your child. It’s not about simply managing the moment. It’s about how to help your child heal, function better, and feel closer to you. There are lots of ways to parent, but none make me feel better about how I’m raising my children, then the tools Tosha can offer. The peace this brings, in the midst of what seems to be chaos, is invaluable. – Parent from Summer Program, SF Bay Area
You are one of the great resources that I have been fortunate enough to find… – Joanna
I had one session with Tosha when I was feeling completely stuck with my 11-year old boy. In one hour she helped me identify my fears, gain lots of understanding of my kid’s behavior and gave me specific and doable tools for everyday parenting. In merely 2 weeks our home has dramatically changed for the best: kids more relaxed, parents more joyful, and lots of playtime for everybody. Tosha helped us enjoy our family life like we never did before. I cannot thank her enough. – A grateful mom from Walnut Creek.
I personally recommend Tosha Schore as a parent coach/ consultant. Tosha has three growing children of her own, and she is a trainer of Parenting by Connection, a unique approach! She is a warm, supportive, knowledgeable, non-judgemental, and wise person – truly a great resource for parents! She can really make a difference, and provides important information that resonates with parents of children age 0 – at least 12, I know for sure! – A Happy Client 🙂
By taking her classes (one by phone and one in person), I noticed a change for the better in my connections with my sons, and it is SO great to know that if we go through a rough time, I can go to Tosha and expect improvement in our lives! – Mom, San Francisco Bay Area
After meeting with you twice my family life has literally changed almost overnight. Thank you!!!! – Another Happy Parent
Sending you a giant virtual hug!
(Mom to 3 fabulously full-of-life boys, Wife to 1 awesome man, Leader of 1 World-Changing revolution, Writer, and Your Partner In Parenting!)
P.S. If you’ve read this much, I’m quite confident you’ve found the help you need! Don’t put this off another year. Time will only allow your family’s behavior patterns to set in deeper. Take my hand and, together, let’s take the next step towards building a bright future for you, your boys, your family, and the world.Schedule your FREE 20-minute consultation now!